Jew & A

You know, planning that I wouldn't post until Tuesday was a fantastic idea. This bloggy thing is time consuming! Witness the fact that last night, when I didn't even turn on my computer, I:

Recycled three weeks of newspapers

Cooked a gourmet dinner

Folded laundry

Baked muffins

Went to bed before 2am

Conclusion: When am I going to start getting paid for this blog thing?

Anyway, as promised, here are the scintillating answers to your Jewish questions. My two observant Jewish readers can read quietly at their desks while the rest of the class catches up.

Disclaimer: I am not a Rabbi, nor do I play one on the Internet.

Fabulous Hostess in San Diego writes:

Okay, Becca, here's my question. I really have wondered about this. When you come stay at my house, how can I cook for you? I mean, I've got the no pork or shellfish thing down. I'm talking about implements.

Shall I buy two coolers, one for the kosher meats I'll be preparing and one for the dairy products? Also, I'm planning on buying new pots and pans. Would it be best to await your visit and use brand new pots/pans/utensils? I mean, would it be wrong to serve you your latkes on a plate that held my cheeseburger the night before?

OK, the very first thing you need to do, before anything else, is send me a first class ticket to San Diego. Done? Brilliant.

The next thing you need to do is clean out your entire kitchen and throw everything away. Then, scrub everything: the oven, the sink, the counters, the fridge, etc. Then take a blowtorch and....still there? Fabulous Hostess? Fabulous Hostess?

I think I lost her.

I'll just have salad, thanks.


Hot Blogger in Rockland, IL writes:

Is it true that on the Sabbath, the elevators in some buildings in New York stop on every floor?

Does work ever interfere with your Sabbath? Like traveling and such?

Do you wonder what non-Kosher food tastes like? Do you "miss" it? Or is there just no temptation or wonder at all?

1. It is true. First, let me explain why one would need this. On the Sabbath, one is not permitted to use electricity. Why? Because we like you. No, you're too young to get that joke, Hot Blogger. But really, all the Torah (that's our Bible and part of some of yours) says is, not to "work." Since there was no dictionary.com back then, the Rabbis looked around the Torah and found the word "work" someplace else as well. It was used to describe the 39 kinds of work that the builders of the Temple did to construct it. Hey, that's all-encompassing, right? So that's the definition we use. Two of these are lighting or extinguishing a fire. When you flip a light switch you are completing an electric circuit that is seen to be lighting a fire. This is not to say that you can't enjoy a light while it's on. You just can't turn it on. Or off. Or on/off, on/off, on/off. This last rule is designed for small children.

Same with an elevator. You can get in, you just can't push a button. So an elevator stopping at every floor will solve this problem. Of course, by the time you've reached your floor you've converted to another religion.

The other thing you can do (although you have to be a Loophole Lucy) is to get in an elevator behind someone else and just go to whatever floor they are going to so you push no buttons. Then you walk from there. There was once a story about a famous, learned Rabbi who did this. He got in behind a woman who asked him, "What floor?" He answered, "Whatever floor you're going to." So she slapped him. Oh ahahahahaha. Yes indeedy.

But you'd only see these elevators in buildings with mostly religious tenants, like in Borough Park. I mean, who would put up with it? So this is why most Orthodox Jews live on a low floor of a building. I live on the second floor, you know, with Luka.

2. The better question is, does the Sabbath ever interfere with my work or travel? It's work that has to bend, not the Sabbath. I always tell this to my future employer right during the first interview.

"Hey, this sounds like a fun job, but you know I'll be leaving work early every Winter Friday and there are eight or 10 days during the year I'll be taking off and I won't be able to work on a Saturday, ever. Thanks, I'll show myself out."

But seriously, none of my employers have ever had a problem with this. At least they don't tell me while my lawyers are around (I like to keep a lawyer in my pocket at all times). I don't travel for my job and if I did, well, my work would end on Friday at sunset and that'd be it.

3. Well, frankly, some non-Kosher food just seems gross to me, as fried insects (a delicacy in some parts of the world, a part of cleaning out the light fixture in others) do to those of us in the Western world. For instance, sausage just looks nasty to me, sorry. Any "breakfast meat," really. But hey, more for you! And everyone says lobster tastes great but I've never really been tempted because it doesn't look as good as you guys say it tastes and, well, a bib is involved.

Thanks for the multitude of good questions, Hot Blogger!


Underdressed Mom-to-be in Boston asks:

I have a Jewish question not relating to the Sabbath -- why must every single freaking Jewish wedding be black tie? Do you not realize that we goyim don't, as a rule, own tuxedos, and so we must go rent one for every wedding, thus raising the cost of wedding-going by $100?

Is it a conspiracy? Do you all laugh at our menfolk in their rented tuxes at your weddings?

Yes. Thanks for writing in!


My allusion to the second floor is of course from:
Suzanne Vega - Luka

And speaking of the Bible:
U2 - 40



5/17/06 - 10:30pm
OK, and now, a late-breaking addition! The following question was asked in a comment:

Becca, I hope this doesn't come out sounding horribly stupid or insulting but, what exactly do you "do" during the Sabbath? Can you light a candle? Do you sit in the dark? I'm totally intrigued here.
Lover of the Jewball,
Paige
Louisville, KY

Hello again Paige!

Here's a fun new Hebrew phrase that everyone should memorize (don't worry, there won't be a test). It's "Eyn habayshan lomed" which loosely translates as, "the timid person can't learn." Since learning is paramount in Judaism, asking questions is always a good thing.

So, onward. As I explained, you can "enjoy" electricity just not actually turn it on or off or manipulate it in any way. So, what we do is, just before sunset on Friday when the Sabbath begins, we set all the electrical things exactly how we want them to be for the next 25 hours. We turn on the light in the bathroom (someone will always turn it off by mistake, though - watch out for that), the kitchen, the dining room, maybe a lamp in the bedroom. We leave the air conditioning on if we need it. Things like that. So we don't sit in a house without electricity, we just don't press buttons or flip switches or spin dials. That kind of thing. Some people use timers to turn the lights on and off (living room off at midnight, bedroom on at 8am, etc.) but some don't.

But, and this is a mistake that many people make, the Sabbath is not about deprivation. No, it's actually a vacation every single week. Picture yourself in your favorite remote vacation spot. Maybe it's a beach or a cabin in the woods. No one can call you. E-mails cannot be picked up. You can't do work that you brought home from the office. If you're called in, well, you can't go. There is no TV. No radio. No video games. It's quiet. All you can hear is the sound of your loved ones. They're sitting around the cabin talking to each other. Maybe some are reading or playing a board game.

If you're single, imagine popping over to a nearby cabin to have a festive dinner with a bunch of friends. You'll eat, you'll drink, you'll sing. Maybe you'll meet some new friends while you're there.

This is really what the Sabbath is like. On the Saturday, I'll go to synagogue in the morning, maybe I'll take a walk or visit friends in the afternoon, read, nap, relax. There is nothing to do. I can't feel bad that I didn't do my laundry. I can't do my laundry. The Sabbath is like an oasis of peace each and every week.

I hope I've explained that OK. It's hard to articulate how restful and relaxing it is. But if I haven't, try the cabin! And bring a really good book.